Free sex is not correct, because we are making an oath before God; we [husband and wife] should be loyal to each other. Jesus condemns this and Quran also condemns. All the other religions also condemn this.
Sex is only for the production of the children. Jesus lived only for 32 years, never He had any sexual ideas, even in that young age. Adi Sankara lived only for 32 years, never He had any sexual ideas. Swami Vivekanada lived up to 39 years, beautiful personality; never he had such ideas.
When the soul is very much immersed in divine thought, divine mission all that, this sexual idea can never attract him. Suppose you are engaged in doing say, some research in science. Suppose you are deeply interested and involved, the idea of sex will not come. Such idea will never arise.
Sex is only a mental idea and is based on some hormone. It is a question of mental involvement or mental thinking. When mind is completely absorbed in divine thoughts about God, before the bliss one get from the God, the momentary sexual happiness is nothing.
The basic thing is that, the idea of sex comes only when there is no work or work is less. When somebody is involved in some good work, the idea of sex does not come. When all the interest is concentrated on God, the ideal of sex never arise. But this should not be forcefully done. It should come spontaneously. That is very important.
Suppose wife betrays husband and husband betrays wife, the other person need not worry about it. Just forget it, and be involved in your work, because after death other soul and you are free with their own account. The soul will not recognize the other soul. One need not give much importance to that.
If wife is also engaged in spiritual things, then this problem will never arise in life. So always see that the entire family is involved in the mission of God. The person should try with the family first. Then a good atmosphere will be there. Everybody is involved. Then such ideas will not come.
Chastity means singleness. Being only with husband, being only with wife, that is called Chastity. But if somebody is only with God, he derives bliss from God. It is also Chastity. Chastity is Satya vreda.
The real Chastity is thinking only about God, getting devotion on God, being loyal to God; that is the real Chastity or actual chastity. Chaste and not chaste both are temporary only as far as worldly relations are considered.
It is just like a dream. When dream is over, everything is gone. Suppose somebody is very chaste in dream and somebody is not chaste in dream. When one awakens from the dream, both are useless or meaningless. So, one need not worry, or that issue need not be given much importance. Because the real issue is not identified, the unnecessary issue is given undue importance.
The real issue of getting the grace of God within this human life. That real issue is forgotten. So, all other meaningless nonsense become the main issue. All these people ask this question because they have forgotten the main issue.
For example, when a big line and small line is present, small line become small, and when the big line is rubbed, the small line become big. When one is awaken, he understand the real issue. He has to go to job and he has to work, that is the real issue. When he sleeps in the dream all the unnecessary issue become the real issues. So, it depends on the state of the person, whether he is under the ignorance or whether he is under the knowledge.
Rama told to Sita, 'I am liberated, you go and marry My brother, Vibishana, I do not have any objection.' Like that He was telling. He never cares for that. In that free atmosphere, when wife is very loyal to Rama, that is due to the real attraction of love.
Chastity should come spontaneously based on the real attraction of love to husband or wife. Chastity should not be forced, and hence should not be due to fear or due to some financial attraction etc. "Oh, wife be chaste" - That is not a real Chastity. Or 'I am giving money; I am giving all comfort be chaste' -that is not real chastity.
Wife or husband is attracted to the other personality, inspite of all difficulties and all tragedies. When that attraction is there, then that is real chastity. For that, personality should be developed.
Personality is developed only with the grace of God. Only through spirituality, the personality is developed. He may be a big king; he may have all comfort, but his wife may not be chaste. So, personality never comes through materialism. Personality comes only through divinity. Such divine personality of Rama attracted Sita. Not because Rama is rich or king. Ravana was more rich than Rama. But Sita never got attracted to Ravana.
And if such spontaneous attraction is not there, then again one should not be worried. Suppose I do not have the personality to attract some other soul- for that why should I worry? Whether a soul is attracted or not, is only a temporary thing.
I should be attracted by somebody and she should be chaste to me, such things are again due to ego only. Every soul should think that he should be attracted to God, the real personality, the divine personality. Getting attracted to God should be your motto. Attracting other souls should not be the motto.
If attracting others is your motto, then all these problems come. ‘I could not attract that soul 100%, O! Somebody is there who attracted that soul more than me’. Suppose my motto is only to get attracted by God, attracting others will never come into my issue, these problems will never arise.
At the Lotus Feet of His Holiness, Sri Dattaswami
Dattaji
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